It really is. And honestly, the past 3 years have been me yo-yoing up-and-down, and I am so up right now that I can’t even see the floor where I started from.
I think I’m doing this all wrong. I feel like I’ve tried everything. Count calories/points. Do low fat/low calorie. Cut out carbs/sugar. I just cannot seem to find something I can stick to unlike the fat that has no problem situating itself on my mid-section.
And I’ll be honest: I want to lose weight to look good. Plain and simple. But they say to be successful at something, you must want the end result more than the immediate satisfaction. Much like saving money for a vacation. It is much easier to go out to eat every night than it is to eat at home everyday and eventually go on a vacation.
It is also said that you should never give up something that you cannot go a day without thinking about. Granted, you have to follow the cliché in a logical manner. If you can’t go a day without thinking about possibly winning the lottery…you should probably get a new hobby and stop wasting money on lottery tickets.
So, for over 27 years now, I’ve wanted to be thin.
I sit here, 27 years old, at the highest weight I have ever been. I’m fatter than I was 30 pounds ago when I thought I was really fat. OMG.
Last week I was at the mall getting my wedding rings inspected for this dumb warranty thing I have. Sad to say, I didn’t even wear the wedding rings into the jewelry store. In fact, I haven’t worn my wedding rings in months. Not because I am going through some turmoil in my marriage, but because it’s that I have gained so much weight that to wear my wedding rings is impossible unless I want them to have to be cut off.
While chatting it up with the lady at Gordon’s Jewelers, I joked that I gained the weight due to marriage and that eventually I’d be back to have them sized back down again.
And she laughed.
I need to prove her wrong. I cannot go to BlogHer 2012 and be about 25 pounds fatter than I was at BlogHer 2011. I’d sooner just not go. I want to at least break even by then. I want to feel good about myself and not dread family functions due to my weight. I want to not avoid my childhood best friend because I’m so much larger than I was last time I saw her. Insanity.
I have a fabulous list of excuses, but none of them really get down to the root of why I am so unsuccessful at losing weight and maintaining it.
Oh lord. Maybe I am just lazy.
But maybe, just maybe, I’d really love to be this cute, thinner, happier lady again.
Man I had great hair back then. And no rolls. Sigh.
Oh thin Monica, how I miss thee.