Monica Wants It: A Lifestyle Blog: I’ve Hit A Wall {Weight Loss}

Friday, March 18, 2011

I’ve Hit A Wall {Weight Loss}

image

{Image Credit: Live on Purpose}

I’ve hit a wall. I’ve hit it so hard that it’s just knocked me out. I’m on the floor, gazing up, out of breath, exhausted and can’t get up.

I’ve hit a wall.

I can’t get up. Or maybe it’s not so much that I can’t get up, it’s that I don’t want to. I try to be inspiring, motivating and friendly on Twitter and on this blog, but I gotta keep it real y’all. I am human. I am not perfect. I don’t have this all figured out. Today is 77 of the 100 days challenge (being active for at least 30 minutes a day- INTENTIONALLY). I’m proud to say I’ve completed 76 days. Some days have been stretching workouts or leisurely walks or sanding the hell out of some cabinets, but I have been intentionally active everyday since December 29th. Technically, it’s day 80 for me, but I’ve only been counting “officially” since January 1st.

I don’t even CARE about finishing anymore. That necklace I am working so hard for can kiss my ass. The thought of 23 more days ahead of me (plus TODAY since I haven’t worked out yet) just makes me want to crawl into the fetal position and rock back and forth. Or eat some cake. And maybe have a tequila shot.

And that’s just to finish this challenge. I still have the overall challenge of wanting to be a skinny bitch. I have a shit-ton more days then, pardon my french.

ohmygawd.

I don’t know if I can do this. Well, that’s a lie. A big, fat lie. I KNOW I can do this. I WANT to do this. I am just really burnt out. Tired. FED UP. And hey, 80 days is good, right? And I have all these people on Twitter who are like, “You can do this!” and while that’s all lovely and quite nice, I feel like screaming, “Yeah, when was the last time YOU worked out for 80 days straight and didn’t want a break?!” But really, I love it when people encourage me, so excuse my snark today, please.

I’m a lunatic. Really I am. If you saw what went down earlier at my house you’d agree with me. I became the absolute meanest person in the world to the person I love the most…my husband. It’s almost like I don’t deserve him. I was so mean. It’s partially because I am going nutso over the dining room makeover (the cabinets, oh the cabinets…more on that tomorrow) and partially because I am just so tired of counting every crumb of food I eat. Weighing every glass of wine. Fretting over every thing I so much as smell because I don’t want to gain weight back.

And yet this week, I have. I’m up almost 3 pounds as of this morning even though I haven’t eaten much this week. See? Stress can add weight even if you don’t stress eat. I am so talented that I can GAIN weight, 10500 calories worth, without even eating them.

I am a professional at being able to be fat. Like a super pro.

I say all this knowing fully that I haven’t binged eaten nor skipped any workouts. I guess I’m just saying I wish I could take a break without being judged. Not that I’d go binge eating for a week, but I know I’d get comments on how I was “so close” to finishing the 100 days and aren’t I disappointed? Maybe I would be. Maybe I’d be happy to just rest.

Or maybe, just maybe… I’ve hit a wall.

13 comments:

  1. I just wanted you to know that you have people reading who support you and are so excited to see your successes. I don't know you personally but I wish I could give you a great big hug right now. xx

    ReplyDelete
  2. I still cannot believe you've been working out for 80 days straight! I can't even do 3 days. I will NOT judge you at all, and I completely understand how you feel. I give myself at least 1 off meal a week. I may not be the skinny bitch that I want, but it takes off a bit of pressure every now and then. I CANNOT think about diet & exercise 24/7. Maybe I'm weak & undisciplined, but I don't care. What I'm saying is, don't worry about what people will think. If you're miserable, then it's not worth it. Remember, what you've already accomplished is HUGE! 80 days? EIGHTY FREAKING DAYS? You're my hero. That is all. I love you.

    ReplyDelete
  3. stress is the ultimate bitch! I am sorry you are having a tough go with it.

    Maybe its time to evaluate and figure out what you want for you?

    Maybe things have changed and 100 days is no longer your goal? Maybe you are having a bad day or more and need a break?

    Whatever you do, make sure you are doing it for you....not for your reader or tweets but for you!! You have to life your life for you and your family has to live with you and love you while you figure it out!

    much love and big hugs, jen

    ReplyDelete
  4. oh yeah, and I think you are pretty awesome! did you know, you have worked out 80 days in a row!! I am lucky if I can string 3 or 4 days together.

    be proud of YOU!!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Awww I wish I lived closer I just want to give you a big old hug!
    I am sorry you are stressed with everything going on. I think you should do what you feel is best for you and I support it no matter what!!!!
    I know you can do anything you set your mind to because you are the M in the great MChammers ;)

    I have felt I hit a wall several times during my journey, it always helped me to take a step back and figure out what was bugging me and work on that. I always knew I had to hang in the race because I wanted what was at the end waiting for me. I know deep down inside you want to succeed and I know you have what it takes to do that, and no matter how you get to your goal weight you will!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  6. 80 days!! That is such a long time. Maybe you just needed a day off or a week off. For me and losing weight its not the exercise that makes me mean its the food counting. Maybe you should go have something really delicious and not regret it and then change some things in your goal that you don't like. 80 days is a LONG time. YOu have accomplished a lot!!You are a hero :)

    ReplyDelete
  7. Oh Monica. Dear sweet Monica. I'm sorry you're feeling so bitchy and tired and just plain worn out. We have ALL been there. TRUST ME. I've been there more times than I can even count on both hands (and maybe even toes). Don't beat yourself up. Just take a break, breathe deeply, and get back on track tomorrow. There is NOTHING wrong with taking a break. Just don't take an extended break and never come back, okay? So enjoy today, and get back to it tomorrow. You have YOUR permission!!

    LOVE YOU!

    ReplyDelete
  8. first off i'm sure there are moments where hubby doesn't deserve you either. that's the way married life is, sometimes we're a bitch to deal with and sometimes their total bastards. but we're worth it or it wouldn't be tolerated.

    as for the 80 days of exercise - i didn't start the challenge because i know i can't go that long. and i'm not sure our bodies are designed for that.

    i'd recommend doing something today, anything. then tomorrow if you still feel like taking a break then do it. i just don't want you stopping today if you'll regret it when you're not as emotional.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Walls STINK!!! I do really well for awhile, then just stop... SO I know how you feel. If you wanna take a day off, take a day off. Sometimes that's all you need to get rejuvinated. Besides, what kind of CRAZY person came up with the 100 days thing!! haha...

    ReplyDelete
  10. Hi there, just discovered your blog through allfookedup. I just today announced my intention to get off the couch, but now am fighting the inactivity current already. Your words ring true.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Oh girlie. It's so easy to feel that frustration every time we skip a workout/eat a snickers bar/turn to wine for comfort. I struggled and over analyzed for years over food and calories and was miserable! That's not LIFE! Life is about balance, making sure your body has the nutrition it needs but also the rest and indulgence it deserves!
    My thinking is: if I were to die tomorrow will I care that I had that slice of pie? Hells no! I'll wish I'd had two! So take a rest, indulge here and there, and get back on your goals rested and rejuvenated!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Girl - you can do this! I know how you feel (empathetically - of course). I certainly hope you keep going just to prove that you can do it. Maybe switch to something fun like Wii or go dancing or indoor rock climbing so that it does not feel like a chore. This is the realest post to date. I was laughing so hard (with you- not at you). You are an inspiration to all of us chubsters out here!! I get soooo tired of working out and counting sugar, cals, and carbs!! All I can say is 'keep doing'. We all believe in you!!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Monica- When I made the comment to you on twitter that I would hate for you to quit your 100 day challenge being so close, because you may regret it. I didn't mean it negatively. I apologize if you took it that way. I wish just trying to give support and advice I would want if I were in your shoes. If I was as close as you were (and are) I would kick myself if I quit. I don't know that I could even do it as long as you have. No negativity, or think bad toward you girl. You rock! No matter what. You have the dedications and perserverance I wish I had half of.

    ReplyDelete

Friday, March 18, 2011

I’ve Hit A Wall {Weight Loss}

image

{Image Credit: Live on Purpose}

I’ve hit a wall. I’ve hit it so hard that it’s just knocked me out. I’m on the floor, gazing up, out of breath, exhausted and can’t get up.

I’ve hit a wall.

I can’t get up. Or maybe it’s not so much that I can’t get up, it’s that I don’t want to. I try to be inspiring, motivating and friendly on Twitter and on this blog, but I gotta keep it real y’all. I am human. I am not perfect. I don’t have this all figured out. Today is 77 of the 100 days challenge (being active for at least 30 minutes a day- INTENTIONALLY). I’m proud to say I’ve completed 76 days. Some days have been stretching workouts or leisurely walks or sanding the hell out of some cabinets, but I have been intentionally active everyday since December 29th. Technically, it’s day 80 for me, but I’ve only been counting “officially” since January 1st.

I don’t even CARE about finishing anymore. That necklace I am working so hard for can kiss my ass. The thought of 23 more days ahead of me (plus TODAY since I haven’t worked out yet) just makes me want to crawl into the fetal position and rock back and forth. Or eat some cake. And maybe have a tequila shot.

And that’s just to finish this challenge. I still have the overall challenge of wanting to be a skinny bitch. I have a shit-ton more days then, pardon my french.

ohmygawd.

I don’t know if I can do this. Well, that’s a lie. A big, fat lie. I KNOW I can do this. I WANT to do this. I am just really burnt out. Tired. FED UP. And hey, 80 days is good, right? And I have all these people on Twitter who are like, “You can do this!” and while that’s all lovely and quite nice, I feel like screaming, “Yeah, when was the last time YOU worked out for 80 days straight and didn’t want a break?!” But really, I love it when people encourage me, so excuse my snark today, please.

I’m a lunatic. Really I am. If you saw what went down earlier at my house you’d agree with me. I became the absolute meanest person in the world to the person I love the most…my husband. It’s almost like I don’t deserve him. I was so mean. It’s partially because I am going nutso over the dining room makeover (the cabinets, oh the cabinets…more on that tomorrow) and partially because I am just so tired of counting every crumb of food I eat. Weighing every glass of wine. Fretting over every thing I so much as smell because I don’t want to gain weight back.

And yet this week, I have. I’m up almost 3 pounds as of this morning even though I haven’t eaten much this week. See? Stress can add weight even if you don’t stress eat. I am so talented that I can GAIN weight, 10500 calories worth, without even eating them.

I am a professional at being able to be fat. Like a super pro.

I say all this knowing fully that I haven’t binged eaten nor skipped any workouts. I guess I’m just saying I wish I could take a break without being judged. Not that I’d go binge eating for a week, but I know I’d get comments on how I was “so close” to finishing the 100 days and aren’t I disappointed? Maybe I would be. Maybe I’d be happy to just rest.

Or maybe, just maybe… I’ve hit a wall.

13 comments :

  1. I just wanted you to know that you have people reading who support you and are so excited to see your successes. I don't know you personally but I wish I could give you a great big hug right now. xx

    ReplyDelete
  2. I still cannot believe you've been working out for 80 days straight! I can't even do 3 days. I will NOT judge you at all, and I completely understand how you feel. I give myself at least 1 off meal a week. I may not be the skinny bitch that I want, but it takes off a bit of pressure every now and then. I CANNOT think about diet & exercise 24/7. Maybe I'm weak & undisciplined, but I don't care. What I'm saying is, don't worry about what people will think. If you're miserable, then it's not worth it. Remember, what you've already accomplished is HUGE! 80 days? EIGHTY FREAKING DAYS? You're my hero. That is all. I love you.

    ReplyDelete
  3. stress is the ultimate bitch! I am sorry you are having a tough go with it.

    Maybe its time to evaluate and figure out what you want for you?

    Maybe things have changed and 100 days is no longer your goal? Maybe you are having a bad day or more and need a break?

    Whatever you do, make sure you are doing it for you....not for your reader or tweets but for you!! You have to life your life for you and your family has to live with you and love you while you figure it out!

    much love and big hugs, jen

    ReplyDelete
  4. oh yeah, and I think you are pretty awesome! did you know, you have worked out 80 days in a row!! I am lucky if I can string 3 or 4 days together.

    be proud of YOU!!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Awww I wish I lived closer I just want to give you a big old hug!
    I am sorry you are stressed with everything going on. I think you should do what you feel is best for you and I support it no matter what!!!!
    I know you can do anything you set your mind to because you are the M in the great MChammers ;)

    I have felt I hit a wall several times during my journey, it always helped me to take a step back and figure out what was bugging me and work on that. I always knew I had to hang in the race because I wanted what was at the end waiting for me. I know deep down inside you want to succeed and I know you have what it takes to do that, and no matter how you get to your goal weight you will!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  6. 80 days!! That is such a long time. Maybe you just needed a day off or a week off. For me and losing weight its not the exercise that makes me mean its the food counting. Maybe you should go have something really delicious and not regret it and then change some things in your goal that you don't like. 80 days is a LONG time. YOu have accomplished a lot!!You are a hero :)

    ReplyDelete
  7. Oh Monica. Dear sweet Monica. I'm sorry you're feeling so bitchy and tired and just plain worn out. We have ALL been there. TRUST ME. I've been there more times than I can even count on both hands (and maybe even toes). Don't beat yourself up. Just take a break, breathe deeply, and get back on track tomorrow. There is NOTHING wrong with taking a break. Just don't take an extended break and never come back, okay? So enjoy today, and get back to it tomorrow. You have YOUR permission!!

    LOVE YOU!

    ReplyDelete
  8. first off i'm sure there are moments where hubby doesn't deserve you either. that's the way married life is, sometimes we're a bitch to deal with and sometimes their total bastards. but we're worth it or it wouldn't be tolerated.

    as for the 80 days of exercise - i didn't start the challenge because i know i can't go that long. and i'm not sure our bodies are designed for that.

    i'd recommend doing something today, anything. then tomorrow if you still feel like taking a break then do it. i just don't want you stopping today if you'll regret it when you're not as emotional.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Walls STINK!!! I do really well for awhile, then just stop... SO I know how you feel. If you wanna take a day off, take a day off. Sometimes that's all you need to get rejuvinated. Besides, what kind of CRAZY person came up with the 100 days thing!! haha...

    ReplyDelete
  10. Hi there, just discovered your blog through allfookedup. I just today announced my intention to get off the couch, but now am fighting the inactivity current already. Your words ring true.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Oh girlie. It's so easy to feel that frustration every time we skip a workout/eat a snickers bar/turn to wine for comfort. I struggled and over analyzed for years over food and calories and was miserable! That's not LIFE! Life is about balance, making sure your body has the nutrition it needs but also the rest and indulgence it deserves!
    My thinking is: if I were to die tomorrow will I care that I had that slice of pie? Hells no! I'll wish I'd had two! So take a rest, indulge here and there, and get back on your goals rested and rejuvenated!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Girl - you can do this! I know how you feel (empathetically - of course). I certainly hope you keep going just to prove that you can do it. Maybe switch to something fun like Wii or go dancing or indoor rock climbing so that it does not feel like a chore. This is the realest post to date. I was laughing so hard (with you- not at you). You are an inspiration to all of us chubsters out here!! I get soooo tired of working out and counting sugar, cals, and carbs!! All I can say is 'keep doing'. We all believe in you!!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Monica- When I made the comment to you on twitter that I would hate for you to quit your 100 day challenge being so close, because you may regret it. I didn't mean it negatively. I apologize if you took it that way. I wish just trying to give support and advice I would want if I were in your shoes. If I was as close as you were (and are) I would kick myself if I quit. I don't know that I could even do it as long as you have. No negativity, or think bad toward you girl. You rock! No matter what. You have the dedications and perserverance I wish I had half of.

    ReplyDelete